Answers

The morning after my back-to-back Big Orange nights, I had to rush to catch my bus to Boston. I did. I saw old friends and made new ones. It was great and super and fun and interesting, and I was exhausted and confused and sad and angry. What am I missing?

My surroundings were not changing me - Miami, Richmond, New York, Boston, Washington D.C., New Orleans, and Venice Beach - so where are my stinking answers?

This is a voice in my head during a hungover morning at Six Flags in Boston.

Now hold on here - you're telling me that you get to eat cheese fries and ride roller coasters for breakfast, and that makes you sad? Listen now and listen well. Accept your demise and live. Hold nothing back. Experiment, make mistakes, embarrass yourself, but do not cheat yourself out of this life.

And so I tried to feel demisable and unholdable, but I needed more words.

This is from a book that I bought at a bookstore/bar in D.C. by zig-zagging through the alphabetical but certainly non-linear streets:

A victim of God may,

Through learning adaption,

Become a partner of God.

A victim of God may,

Through forethought and planning,

Become a shaper of God.

Or a victim of God may,

Through shortsightedness and fear,

Remain God's victim,

God's plaything,

God's prey.

This is from a bar conversation in New Orleans:

You can take the drink, or the drink can take you *

(*replace drink with a noun of your choosing for applicability)

This is from a fortune cookie in Los Angeles:

Seek out the significance to your problem at this time. Try to understand.

So what are my plans? I still haven't found what I'm looking for. I know that I'm operating under the assumption that traveling this world will automatically change me. I don't have answers because I haven't formulated any questions. But there are times of the day when I know I'm close to my answer to this unspoken question.

Maybe I'll never find it. Maybe God's greatest gift really is that unanswered prayer. All I know is that giving up on this journey would be the worst. I've been traveling for three months now, and I can't see any reason to stop.